Third Times a Charm
11-27-05
John Doe, written 11-23-05
Third times a charm
It's the 2nd time I've slept over JD's place, but the 3rd time we've actually seen each other. I feel like I've been through a marathon of master's pilates classes (if there is such a thing) - more on that later.
JD must've watched "Talk Sex With Dr. Sue" this past Sunday (I know he didn't - I described her to him, "Your granny, who's an expert on sex, she takes viewers calls and reviews sex toys", he'd never heard of her.) because he seemed to be following some of her advice. Some guy called in because his wife wanted to get involved with anal play. On him, not her. Sex Granny pulled out a huge butt plug (not the part that John references), says that it's huge and he'll want to use a smaller one, about 2-3 finger width, but first she needs to find out if he likes it. She suggests that his wife slip a condom over her first three fingers (JD skipped this part), add lots of lube, check, stick in 1 finger, check, then 2, check, then 3, check. [on me, not him]
Telling me to relax doesn't make it so. I knew what was coming next. I let him lube his dick, then told him I didn't want anal sex. His response: something like 'let's try it until you say stop'. My response: "Stop!" JD-"That quick?" T's thought bubble - 'did you not understand me the first time?' He says he'll go for #1 then (vaginal). I should have had him wipe off the lube, though it's not the warming kind. (It looks like a little bottle of hand sanitizer.) I think this is what caused my scorching yeast infection 2 weeks ago (the last time I had sex) and lord knows I don't want to go through that shit again. I took two cranberry pills, drank a glass of cranberry juice, irrigated myself in the shower and rubbed on a mineral oil/tea tree concoction. If I get an infection [I did], that's going to throw a serious wrench into my plans with/for M this weekend [it didn't].
I promise I will wear a condom if you spare me this time. It's Thanksgiving, allow me to give thanks for having a healthy vagina. Now can we work on the pain. My3* yo, 3* in 7 weeks, cunt does not produce enough lube. Shit! I'm damned if I do (lube=yeast infection) and damned if I don't (no lube=painful, dry sex). (Addition - anal sex must be a big thing [duh]. 20 min. of "Talk Sex" tonight and two people have called in asking how to do it. She gave the same 3-finger advice. One she told to use a condom. The other, a glove.)
11-28-05
From 11-24-05
So much for giving thanks-time for more cranberry.
John Doe, written 11-23-05
Third times a charm
It's the 2nd time I've slept over JD's place, but the 3rd time we've actually seen each other. I feel like I've been through a marathon of master's pilates classes (if there is such a thing) - more on that later.
JD must've watched "Talk Sex With Dr. Sue" this past Sunday (I know he didn't - I described her to him, "Your granny, who's an expert on sex, she takes viewers calls and reviews sex toys", he'd never heard of her.) because he seemed to be following some of her advice. Some guy called in because his wife wanted to get involved with anal play. On him, not her. Sex Granny pulled out a huge butt plug (not the part that John references), says that it's huge and he'll want to use a smaller one, about 2-3 finger width, but first she needs to find out if he likes it. She suggests that his wife slip a condom over her first three fingers (JD skipped this part), add lots of lube, check, stick in 1 finger, check, then 2, check, then 3, check. [on me, not him]
Telling me to relax doesn't make it so. I knew what was coming next. I let him lube his dick, then told him I didn't want anal sex. His response: something like 'let's try it until you say stop'. My response: "Stop!" JD-"That quick?" T's thought bubble - 'did you not understand me the first time?' He says he'll go for #1 then (vaginal). I should have had him wipe off the lube, though it's not the warming kind. (It looks like a little bottle of hand sanitizer.) I think this is what caused my scorching yeast infection 2 weeks ago (the last time I had sex) and lord knows I don't want to go through that shit again. I took two cranberry pills, drank a glass of cranberry juice, irrigated myself in the shower and rubbed on a mineral oil/tea tree concoction. If I get an infection [I did], that's going to throw a serious wrench into my plans with/for M this weekend [it didn't].
I promise I will wear a condom if you spare me this time. It's Thanksgiving, allow me to give thanks for having a healthy vagina. Now can we work on the pain. My3* yo, 3* in 7 weeks, cunt does not produce enough lube. Shit! I'm damned if I do (lube=yeast infection) and damned if I don't (no lube=painful, dry sex). (Addition - anal sex must be a big thing [duh]. 20 min. of "Talk Sex" tonight and two people have called in asking how to do it. She gave the same 3-finger advice. One she told to use a condom. The other, a glove.)
11-28-05
From 11-24-05
So much for giving thanks-time for more cranberry.
posted by Craig's Girl @ 8:51 PM
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